i'm not listening

it seems that I have not been listening for a very long time. This is the 'millionth' time I tried and failed. This course I have not changed for so long is still with me. No matter what I do, I cannot seem to shake these chains off of me. After all, am I failing in my purpose of this life if my faults are not corrected? give it up. Yes, giving it up to God. Some may think this is cliche. Some may say i am copping out. I say maybe this is progress. Maybe this time... And then every time up until this time, i have said that, i plunge deeper down with my chains dragging downwards. Easy said then. The voice inside is urging me onward. Tune my off-key notes. Change me. Change me. I seem to have not been listening. I may have missed out but I need to cease on trying solo so here I go towards the purpose of this life set before me. Hoping. Loved. Perserverance. One step. the path i choose is no longer my own. Guide me. Hoping in my hopelessness. Wanting more. I am ready to listen, O God. Here I am in my stained state. Cleanse me. Heal me. Lead me where I should go.