a decision to make

my wife says last night something she has said at least a couple times. I want family devotions but I want you as the head of the household to lead. I don't comment because this is one of my struggles. I know I should but right now, I don't want to. Why? I don't know. mostly anxiety and apprehension. I will try Thursday and start from there. will I reach a point where I can say I am living the purpose of this life?