week 2 of the journey

hey, you are probably saying. Where's week 1? well, don't always start at the beginning. This is my attempt at a journal documenting my journey to figure this out. What this is? Answer: I don't know. What does it look like? It's like describing a picture without telling what's in the picture. Like charades. Off the diving board.
So I don't know if the whole therapy thing is working. Last Monday, he suggested that Omega-3, Vitamin C, Multivitamin, and gingko bibola should be taken to see if it will help. Skeptically I asked how do you know that if we don't even know what is the problem. For as long as I can remember(HA!), I cannot remember specifics of my past. I have photos, I have vague ideas of what some of them are. Most of it including recent things, I block them out. Unpleasant - block. Sad - block. Conflict - block. Yesterday and Today are pretty vivid still. but I am already trying to block some of yesterday out. I hate that she blew up and said the back yard, hate, hate, hate. All you do is some laundry, dishes, I do everything. Block. I hate that she feels depressed again. Trapped within our home. I am helpless. I try to listen but I don't want to hear it. I need to hear because I need to understand her and I love her. My life = loving her. I care so much but needs are not met. I feel this. Can I ever meet her needs, wants, desires? I hate thinking about these things because I cannot control my emotions just talking about them. So I am ending this entry because I need to get this under some control because I cannot let others see me this way right now. Asbergers - " I saw a dateline about a wife with a husband who was diagnosed with it." I don't want this. I will not let her live with me if I have this. . . .

2 weeks and still

Well, I think not being Facebook has established how I am looking at things. Relating to people and such. (I am leaving this as an incomplete post because I hope you realize giving something up allows you to receive something new.

Funk and the Facebook

Lost Art? It is calling someone on the phone or knocking on their door saying hello. You walk in the door and say hello. Your son, daughter, spouse are on an electronic device. Unplug. the world is looking forward to you getting out there. If you stay inside, you will miss the people you could have met. Are you okay with being alone? We are created to a communal person. So partake in life, and live it out before passive living through others gets you in a funk

well that was a surprise

went to login in to facebook since it was a friend's birthday. And I wanted everyone to know I didn't forget even though I have already wished them a happy b-day. Blocked. couldn't find the person. Well, my modis operandi with facebook is to go on less often. Comment on people's posts that I don't get to see or talk to that often. Communicate with the youth from church. Why am I doing this? Am I really progressing to living out the purpose of this ... life.

Friday, over a week without Facebook

So I forgot to delete the email notification from Facebook. I notice a couple Facebook emails with various subject headings. Interesting how I miss certain things about Facebook and not miss. I discover new things or spend time elsewhere.
Stumblupon.com is a cool web tumblr. Today I was introduced to Steamboat punk culture.

http://www.gentlemansemporium.com/

http://www.steampunkcouture.com/

www.laweekly.com/slideshow/curiousjosh-steampunk-saloon-and-burning-man-in-la-37404452/

are 3 websites. I liked a lot.

Wednesday after

It may seem crazy. but I just met you. maybe you read this. How does one alter or direct a teenager into action? I do remember when I did things solely for the benefit of self. It is very rewarding to do things for others for sake of helping them out. Are your thirsty? Stop by my house. I will get you water. Hunger, come over for supper. place, i can help you with that. Hope to be better. Treat others with kind words and deeds. It will come back and the friendship may or may not form but at least the benefit outways the alternative. I don't where I am going but I do remember where I have been. I hope to remember and revive my life to start living towards the purpose in this .. life

on Tuesday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeEUWAknI30

one of my favorites for this day of the week. So I don't know what direction I am headed with this thing. No one on Facebook has really tried to call or email me. Byron said at the picnic we need to get together but he hasn't called. Not banking on that. Today I planned out my lunch phone call. It lasted about 5 minutes. probably the longest we have talked without arguing about something I screwed up. Here's my POV. I don't know if I can tell when I have been rude to some one because they have never told me face to face. It's hard to confrontational to people. Also, it's point out again that I lie. It's not so much I lie. If I feel a conflict is going to happen about something, I like to avoid conflicts even if I create them(so I have  been told). I like harmony yet have a hard time living in harmony. off to living the purpose of this... life

day 4: without Facebook

It is kind of nice that no one really reads this. It's like a personal journal but I won't put everything in this but after all, it's the internet. There are definitely some things that I miss. The things people post about their lives. It's like a passive connection to see that people are having a good time living life. I am not. I work 2 jobs right now. I am not that happy. The biggest thing is that Negative comments don't do any good. Things that are true. Is my only function to ...? Are you happy? I don't know. Do I want to find out? I don't know. Will it only get me more depressed? As you can see, a lot of questions. Well, it has to start some where. What to choose. It was nice gesture from Byron at the picnic. We will see if he follows through. I wander this life and alone. Where does my help come from? I have not done any type of fellowship or devotions for quite awhile. I wait for people to care about me. Have what I have done in the past and near present caused them to all go away? Do I alienate them so I can be alone to make myself more depressed? What step should I take first? Make a simple list and stick to it every day (1) Don't leave my clothes all over (2) take out the trash (3) clean the dishes (4) Do the laundry (5) clean the basement (6) show my wife I love her. (7) tell the kids I love them (8) ask that they do something for the family around the house (9) let a friend know I am here and ask them about their day

Facebook: without it

Well, this is day 3 without logging on to Facebook.how I interact with people. I need to be able to socialize without being awkward. this may not make sense to you but this is for me. a journal of how I can be better and create a group of friends that I can connect a couple times with each month. What is this suppose to look like? so here I will try and try and try until I get it right. Another smaller goal, change from being an introvert to an extrovert. See you later, mashed potatoer.

What will you do

i sure it is frustrating running around the same circle to realize 'deja vu' you are back to where to started.

What will you do when nothing changes? Will you allow yourself to be changed?

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